A December to Dismember - X-Mas Flicks That Don't Suck - CineMania - Home Of The B-Movie Fan

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A December To Dismember
(A CineManiac's Guide To Alternative X-Mas Flicks)
By: Mickael
Sappy christmas classics had their day. From the time you're first able to enjoy TV and movies up until your late teens, you enjoy the yearly tradition of watching It's A Wonderful Life, Miracle On 34th Street, and every-cartoon-ever's annual rendition of A Christmas Carol. At some point, you outgrow the Rudolph's and the Frosty's of the season, with their messages of yuletide cheer and faux fear of Christmas being cancelled, only for it to be saved at the last moment by some intrepid outsider. When cynicism first strikes, you discover The Grinch and A Christmas Story, which manage to temper their sickly-sweet messages with acerbic wit.
At some point, though, that just isn't enough. As an adult, my favorite holiday tradtion was buying a case of Holiday Spice Pepsi and making mixed drinks I called "Black Santas". A proper Black Santa is made with 2 shots of dark rum (Gosling's Black Seal, Mount Gay, or Kraken works great), 1 shot of Amaretto, mix in Holiday Spice Pepsi to taste, and stir. I loved my "Black Santa", because I prefer my X-mas a little harder, a little darker. I'm not a red and green sweater-wearing, tree-trimming, Christmas-caroling, secret Santa-type. I don't "get in the holiday spirit". I imbibe my spirits until the holidays are over. My favorite part of X-mas is finally getting one fucking day off of work.
That's why, on the 12th day of Christmas, my true love watched with me a film where Santa goes on a killing spree! The holiday season doesn't have to be all jolly old men, yankee swaps, and the lowest prices of the season- GUARANTEED. For some, X-Mas represents a darker time of year. Suicidal thoughts and seasonal affective disorder are this season's only true must-haves. Over the years, some deeply flawed writers and directors have skipped enough therapy appointments to deliver to us a variety of violent nights, Hanukkhell traditions, and their own versions of jingle hell to keep you thinking brutal thoughts all season long. Here's our collection of X-Mas movies that leave the sap inside the tree, where it belongs:
PosterTitleYearDirectorMore InfoCountry

Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
(aka Santa Claus Defeats The Aliens)

For a good time, watch the MST3k version!
1964Nicholas WebsterIMDb

Regular version:
Buy @ Amazon

MST3k version:
Buy @ Amazon
USA

Silent Night, Bloody Night
(aka Death House, Night Of The Dark Full Moon, Zora)
1972Theodore Gershuny

USA

Black Christmas
(aka Silent Night Evil Night, Stranger In The House, Stop Me)
1974Bob ClarkIMDb

Buy @ Amazon

Canada

Christmas Evil
(aka Terror In Toyland, You Better Watch Out)
1980Lewis JacksonIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
USA

To All A Goodnight1980David HessIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
USA

Don't Open Till Christmas1984Edmund PurdomIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
UK

Gremlins1984Joe DanteIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
USA

Silent Night, Deadly Night
1984Charles E. Sellier, Jr.

USA

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 21987Lee Harry

USA

Die Hard

It's like Home Alone, but he's not at home.
1988John McTiernan

USA

Elves1989Jeffrey Mandel

USA

Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!
(aka Blind Terror)
1989Monte Hellman

USA

Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation
(aka Welcome To Hell, Bugs)
1990Brian Yuzna

USA

Trapped In Paradise1994George Gallo

USA

Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker1995
Martin Kitrosser

USA

Santa Claws
(aka 'Tis The Season)
1996John A. Russo

USA

Satan Claus1996Massimiliano Cerchi

USA
Italy

Jack Frost1997Michael Cooney

USA

Jack Frost 2: Revenge Of The Mutant Killer Snowman2000Michael Cooney

USA

Christmas Nightmare
(aka The Damned, Lake Of Fire, The Damned Within The Shadows)
2001Vince Di Meglio

USA

The Christmas Season Massacre
2001Jeremy Wallace

USA

'R Xmas2001Abel Ferrara

USA
France

One Hell Of A Christmas
(aka The Claw)
2002Shaky Gonzalez

Denmark

Bad Santa2003Terry ZwigoffIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
USA

The Gingerdead Man2005Charles Band

USA

Santa's Slay
(aka Very Bad Santa)
2005David Steiman

Canada
USA

Black Christmas
(remake)
2006Glen Morgan

USA
Canada

Two Front Teeth2006Jamie Nash
David Thomas Sckrabulis

USA

P22007Franch Khalfoun

USA

Gingerdead Man 2: Passion Of The Crust2008Silvia St. Croix

USA

Deadly Little Christmas2009Novin Shakiba

USA

Silent Night, Zombie Night2009Sean Cain

USA
A Cadaver Christmas
(aka Zombies At Christmas)
2011Joe Zerull

USA

Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver2011William Butler, Silvia St. Croix

USA

Bloody Christmas2012Michael ShershenovichIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
USA

Caesar & Otto's Deadly X-Mas2012Dave Campfield

USA

Silent Night2012Steven C. MillerIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
Canada
USA

Christmas Cruelty!
(aka O'Hellige Jul!)
2013Magne Steinsvoll, Per-Ingvar Tomren

No buying links...
Norway

Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong2013Charles Band

USA

Krampus: The Christmas Devil2013Jason Hull

USA

Silent Night, Bloody Night: The Homecoming2013
James Plumb

UK

Stalled2013Christian JamesIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
UK

A Christmas Horror Story2015Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban, Brett Sullivan

Canada

Krampus: The Reckoning
(aka The Hunted)
2015Robert ConwayIMDb

Buy @ Amazon
USA

Krampus

This is the one you want.
2015Michael Dougherty

USA

Silent Night, Bloody Night 2: The Revival2015Dustin Ferguson

USA
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